Unofficial Royalty

I was sad to hear of the passing of Frances Shand Kydd a week and a half ago. While her life was full of privilege and wealth, she seemed to be such a sad figure, especially toward the end. Following Diana’s death, she seemed to retreat into her remote Scottish isle even more than when her daughter was alive. As a mother, I can’t imagine how devastating it would be to lose a child. And Diana’s death was Frances’ second loss as a mother, having lost a son named John only a year and a half before Diana’s birth. She endured her fair share of scandal and tragedy, much like her famous daughter, and it seems like the two women lived their lives in parallel in many ways.

Frances Roche married the honourable Johnnie Spencer, Viscount Althorp, as a young girl of 18. They married in Westminster Abbey in front of the Queen and other members of the aristocracy and their wedding was hailed as the Wedding of the Year. Diana married at 19, also in a large Cathedral, to a man with titles and wealth and her wedding was called the Wedding of the Century. Both became mothers within a year of walking down the aisle and both struggled through difficult marriages.

For Frances, the pressure to produce a male heir was enormous. Diana’s brother has been quoted as saying it was very hard on his parents. After Frances had two girls and lost her third child, the longed-for son, Diana’s arrival was somewhat disappointing. When her brother Charles was born three years later, the Spencers’ marriage would deteriorate very quickly. Frances left her husband for another man and the couple endured a very public and painful divorce.

About 30 years later, Diana would endure the same public break up with her husband, rocking the royal household to its foundation, just as her mother had stunned “society” when she left a Viscount for a common man. Frances’ own mother even testified against her during the divorce proceedings, which resulted in Diana’s mother losing custody of her children. Diana would fall for another man too, but she didn’t leave her marriage for him. Instead, she stayed married to Charles for as long as possible to avoid the nightmare her parents experienced when they split. That the princess succeeded in this is debatable.

Considering all that mother and daughter had in common, it surprised me to hear that they weren’t particularly close. Of course, no one can ever know for sure what their relationship was truly like, but at Paul Burrell’s trial last year, Frances testified that she had been estranged from her daughter for a few months before Diana died. How sad it must have been to lose a child on those terms.

At the funeral last week, it was heartwarming to see William and Harry at the church. Despite the differences between mother and daughter, I have no doubt that Diana would have wanted them to participate in their grandmother’s farewell. Looking at their windswept faces, it was obvious to anyone that William and Harry truly mourned a woman who was a very powerful connection to their mother. It’s likely that the boys and the entire Spencer clan hope that Frances has at last found the contentment she sought for so many years. And that, wherever she is, Diana was waiting to welcome her.

- Stephanie
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